Why Your Inner Critic Gets Loud—and What You Can Do About It

Compassionate Therapy for Your Inner Critic in California (Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco) 

Your Inner Critic: Where does it come from?

Alas, time to discuss the good ole inner critic. Our inner critics can stem from many places. When we trace back our inner critic – and the emotional or physical sensations that come with it – it often reminds us of someone. How we felt in their presence, what we internalized from a young age, or how we adapted after a painful experience. These often become core beliefs we carry with us, most often subconsciously, throughout our lives.

Developing awareness of our inner critic, even befriending this part of ourselves, can lead us towards a journey of unlearning. I believe, if done with self-compassion, this can lead to refreshingly contrasting results. Oftentimes our inner critic can completely inhibit us – implementing self compassion can encourage or even motivate us. 

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What is Negative Self Talk

Negative self talk can be defined as speaking poorly or even berating ourselves. 

For example: 

• “I’m unlovable”

• “I’ll never be enough/I’m just too much”

Or for more subtle examples:

• “What’s the point of submitting my work? I’ll never be accepted”

• “I can never do anything right, what’s the point of even trying?”

• “I can’t go to the gym as a newbie–I’ll look stupid.”

What to Expect from Inner Critic Therapy in California

I’m a big fan of self compassion as an intervention. I recall a past client’s resistance to implementing self compassion: it went something like, “You want me to be kind to myself? No way, I’ll lose my edge–let myself go.” In reality, the saying goes, “You can’t yell at a flower to grow.” On the contrary, the flower needs an attuned tending to. I like to frame it similarly.

This visual is a personal favorite: think Kim K buried under a blanket, perhaps hiding from her responsibilities. Berating myself usually leads to experiences of shame spirals, burnout, and exhaustion from internal mental battles. In other words–I’m not very hopeful, I feel daunted, dreadful, and may share Kim’s expression from the popular meme.

A young woman buries herself beneath a blanket, overwhelmed by the relentless inner critic.

On the contrary, say I take the last example: “I can’t go to the gym as a newbie–I’ll look stupid,” and apply self compassion. Dare I say, fierce self compassion. My new internal chatter may look like: “Okay, I totally might look awkward at the gym, that makes sense–I don’t remember the last time I worked out. But at least I will be engaging in movement–that is important to me and my overall health. I have more to gain if I start today vs continuing to delay it. ” 

From my perspective, this example of self compassion leaves room for possibility! In contrast to the original statement, It is not daunting or final and it does not inhibit me from taking action. 

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The Benefits of Therapy for your Inner Critic

Wow–this is kind of major. I don’t think that I have a single client who hasn’t benefitted from getting to know their inner critic and implementing self compassion. That’s not to say it is easy–after all, Rome wasn’t built in a day. My clients may be resistant at first, and sometime after our work begins they realize: “I would never speak this way to my friends…or let anyone else speak to me this way. I didn’t realize how constant this narrative was.”

With time and attention, they start coming to know, and to be able to mitigate their knee-jerk reactions. E.g. “I know I’m not supposed to feel this way but I…” This is a judgment. We feel how we feel–are we going to let it pass like a wave, or get caught in its crash? See, we can even befriend the bully. This may look like:

“Oh–of course I’m hard on myself, I never really had examples of self compassion growing up. Plus I’ve been working with this original programming my whole life (E.g. every moment for 30 whole years)! It’s not going to change after 1 session with my therapist!”  

Supporting & Embracing Your Highest Self 

This language might be controversial so take what fits and leave the rest. Here’s my perspective: my highest self knows she can be hard on herself and she loves herself anyway. This part is integrated with the rest of them – on my best days, it is not something that I avoid, deny, or expect that I can Force Quit. In this way, I really like to use the verbiage of “befriending,” our inner critic. We can all be hard on ourselves–it’s about strengthening the muscle of redirecting to ourselves, without judgment, over and over again. Much like mindful breathing.

My Role as a Therapist

I am thrilled to teach my clients about self compassion. And I truly believe this is in part because I have seen it do wonders for myself and my clientele. My role as a therapist is to reflect your roadblocks, particularly those that may be blocking your growth. Even further, we may spend time getting to know them, their origin stories. Together we can develop coping skills and begin to imagine what it would be like to think a bit more highly of ourselves–to love ourselves (idc, idc that it’s cheesy!!). It’s funny–this morning in a session one of my clients realized how far they’ve come in implementing self compassion and said – “the pivot happened faster than I thought,” and discussed being surprised at how much of a difference it’s made. 

While I can’t promise a “quick pivot,” for anyone–I know this client put a lot of emotional labor into this shift. I recall bearing witness to the berating and the frustration. And still, it's an honor to have a front row seat to both the overall journey and the growth.  

Don’t Forget the Basics:

The more I lean into holistic and homeopathic practices, the more aware I become about the strong connection between mind and body. Lest we forget the non-negotiables: minding our nutrition (food as medicine), staying hydrated, moving our bodies, and spending time in the great outdoors. You can do all the therapy you like but without this foundation, growth is stifled. 

Getting Started

Curious about learning more? I’m accepting new clients in California and would be happy to schedule an intro call to see if we are a good fit! Send me a message to get started with a free consultation. 

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FAQ

FAQ — Working with Your Inner Critic

1. What exactly is the “inner critic”?

Your inner critic is that voice or narrative inside you that says things like “I’m unlovable,” “I’ll never be enough,” or “What’s the point, I’ll never succeed.” It isn’t necessarily factual, but it carries emotional and physical weight and influences how you act or don’t act.

2. Where does my inner critic come from?

It often emerges from past relational or developmental experiences—how you felt in someone else’s presence, what you interpreted growing up, or how you managed big or small traumas. Those experiences can become core beliefs you carry—often outside of conscious awareness.

3. Why does the inner critic show up more loudly at certain times?

When you’re trying something new, taking a risk, or stepping outside your comfort zone (like going to the gym for the first time), the inner critic may ramp up because it senses change or vulnerability. It’s reacting to the unknown and often to the fear of not being enough. Also, in times of heightened stress, it's common for the inner critic to have a field day! Missing the basics can exacerbate this experience

4. What does “self‑compassion” mean in this context?

Self‑compassion means choosing to respond to yourself with kindness, curiosity, and understanding rather than harsh judgment. It’s not about letting yourself off the hook—it’s about offering yourself a healthier internal voice, one that supports rather than sabotages growth.

5. How does therapy help with the inner critic?

In therapy you can:

• Bring awareness to the critic’s patterns and origins.

• Explore how those patterns show up in emotional and bodily experience.

• Learn to respond differently (befriend rather than fight the critic).

• Develop a more compassionate internal voice which motivates rather than inhibits.

6. How long will it take to “quiet” my inner critic?

There’s no fixed timeline. Recognizing and altering long‑held internal narratives takes consistent attention and practice. Think of it like building a new muscle—over time it becomes stronger and more natural.

7. How do holistic practices tie into this work?

Therapy and self‑compassion are deeply supported when you also take care of the basics: good nutrition (food as medicine), hydration, movement, and time outdoors. Without these foundational supports, the inner critic’s voice can stay louder and your growth may feel stalled.

8. I’m worried if I’m kind to myself, I’ll lose my edge. Is that true?

Kindness to yourself isn’t the same as letting yourself off the hook. It’s about having a firm but supportive internal voice. From that place you can take action, hold yourself to your values, and grow—just without being your own harshest critic.

9. How do I know if we’re a good fit to work together?

We’ll begin with an introductory conversation: you share what you’re experiencing with your inner critic, how it shows up, and what you’d like to change. Together we’ll assess if my approach aligns with your goals and if the therapeutic relationship feels right for you.