Is Individual Therapy Right for Me? One Therapist’s Honest Answer
- Lillian Farzan-Kashani
- Jul 23
- 5 min read
Updated: Sep 23
Why I First Sought Therapy
Our dysfunction was witnessed by a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory. I know it sounds like a corny Drake lyric, but that was the moment I realized we needed therapy.
My mom and I were doing our usual dance—me, agitated by invalidation; her, reenacting certain generational dynamics. We started family therapy through a referral from my sister (now a psychologist herself). After a series of sessions, the therapist gently suggested I try individual therapy. (Don’t worry—my mom got her fair share, too.)
What Individual Therapy Did for Me
Fast forward: I was a young adult in my early 20s, trying to figure out what I wanted after college. Therapy helped me:
Commit to—and eventually leave—a complicated situationship with a friend
See my own emotional unavailability and how I was attracting it in others
Realize my calling and pursue graduate school in Marriage and Family Therapy
And since then? It’s been a whole lot of maintenance.
A whole lot of holding the weight of the world through my clients.
What did individual therapy do for me?
Honestly—what didn’t it do?
It gave me:
A validating space just for me, which helped cut a pattern of oversharing with others
Self-esteem and confidence to respond differently to invalidating family dynamics
A sense of individuation from my enmeshed family system (shorthand: I found a way to live for myself rather than through my collectivist family’s expectations)
A space to process vicarious trauma—from clients, and from the state of the world
A place to uncover and process my own traumas
The clarity to assess obsessive fixations, including trauma bonds
Permission to love my sensitivity (which became a superpower)
Healthy coping skills and emotional self-expression
The ability to cry without feeling like I would internally combust
Tools to soften an unhealthy perfectionist mindset
What once felt like a hot mess became something like an organized, room-temp collection of parts.
And perhaps the greatest gift?
I stopped judging myself for being human.I learned self-compassion.
Why Others Seek Therapy
Even now—years later—I still benefit from therapy and think everyone else could too. (I know, I’m biased.) But it’s true. As I write this, I’m in the thick of wedding planning, which I’ve learned—like funeral planning—can bring up a lot.
My honest opinion?
Who wouldn’t benefit from a space solely devoted to themselves?
Here’s when my therapist radar becomes activated, when it occurs to me:
“Oof...this person could really use therapy.”
They talk about the same thing over and over—it’s obsessive, unprocessed, and needs a safe space to land
What I lovingly call “Hot Mess Syndrome”: chronically late, dysregulated, overwhelmed, burnt out, and crying at the next wholesome commercial
The person who can’t feel their feelings because they’re afraid it will offend someone
The person avoiding their trauma like the plague—perhaps “high functioning,” though quite depressed—and maybe manifesting unfortunately familiar parallel dynamics in their adult life as a subconscious way to gain mastery (I know, this one’s big)
The person desperate to address their pain, but paralyzed because they don’t know where to start
The addict (unbeknownst to them) self-medicating by constantly chasing their next high
And honestly? Anyone reading the news these days and absorbing vicarious trauma
The Prognosis
I stayed in therapy for a few years, pretty consistently. Eventually, once I felt grounded in my coping skills, I started attending on an as-needed basis. At this point, I don’t remember my last personal session.
Many of my clients follow a similar rhythm:
Some I’ve seen since 2020, and they’ve since “graduated,” scaled back, or pop in when needed
Others come for a season—to work through trauma, a relationship pattern, or a major life shift—and move on when they feel complete
There’s no one-size-fits-all formula. But here’s what I do know:
So yes, I believe we all benefit from a sacred space like individual therapy.
It’s not indulgent.
It’s not selfish.
It’s not just your girlfriend telling you to dump that man already.
It’s a different level of care and attention.
It’s accountability.
It’s a space just for you—with someone trained to hold up your reflection and, when needed, offer a gentle challenge.
Still wondering if individual therapy is right for you
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q1: What is individual therapy and how is it different from family therapy?
A: Individual therapy is a one-on-one counseling process focused entirely on your personal growth, healing, and challenges. Family therapy involves multiple family members and works on improving family dynamics and communication.
Q2: How do I know if individual therapy is right for me?
A: If you find yourself stuck in repetitive patterns, struggling with unresolved trauma, overwhelmed by emotions, or seeking a safe space to explore your feelings, individual therapy can be a supportive and healing resource.
Q3: What can I expect to gain from individual therapy?
A: Therapy offers a validating space for self-exploration, helps build self-esteem, supports emotional processing, teaches healthy coping skills, and fosters self-compassion and personal growth.
Q4: How long do people typically stay in individual therapy?
A: Therapy length varies. Some clients attend consistently for years, others come for a season to address specific challenges, then either graduate or continue on an as-needed basis.
Q5: Can individual therapy help with trauma and emotional unavailability?
A: Yes. Therapy helps uncover and process trauma, recognize unhealthy patterns like emotional unavailability, and develop healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
Q6: Is therapy only for crisis moments or can it be ongoing maintenance?
A: Therapy is beneficial both in crisis and as ongoing maintenance. Many find regular therapy helps them manage life’s challenges, build resilience, and maintain emotional wellness.
Q7: How does therapy help with feelings of perfectionism or self-judgment?
A: Therapy provides tools to soften perfectionist tendencies and reduce harsh self-judgment, fostering greater self-compassion and acceptance.
Q8: What if I’m not sure where to start with therapy?
A: It’s common to feel unsure. A therapist can guide you in identifying what to work on and create a personalized plan to support your healing and growth.
Q9: Does individual therapy help with vicarious trauma from work or the news?
A: Absolutely. Therapy offers a safe space to process secondary trauma, whether from clients, current events, or other stressors.
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